#do not reblog to discourse or i block
Recently, I didn’t reply to someone who had messaged me on Tumblr and this person reacted by blocking me, so that when I found time to answer the message, I had typed up my reply, and, obviously, couldn’t send it. I thought, well, that’s kind of a petty response to someone not answering right away (never mind that it would be sometimes days or weeks before I answer people’s messages on other forums, and they would be cool with it). I thought about this, and I thought about mentioning it, and the reason I’ve decided to talk about it is because it goes back to perceptions about interaction with others that we all need to be mindful of.
If someone sends me a message that I don’t answer right away or don’t answer at all it’s because:
- I’m busy - I have a life that’s not Tumblr and that takes precedence.
- I’m thinking of what to say - I sometimes need to do that. Thoughts aren’t always completely formed in my head, and I don’t write without thinking.
- I’m not emotionally capable of responding - I’m upset about the thing you’re asking me about or I’m processing, so I can’t talk right now.
- I don’t want to talk - everyone should be allowed to be silent if they feel like it.
- I don’t have any more to say - if all I’m going to do is repeat myself, or if the conversation has come to a natural end, then I’m not going to say any more.
- Tumblr got hungry and ate your message - which means I didn’t get it, which means I obviously couldn’t reply.
But, what all this really comes down to is this: no one is entitled to my attention. Message me by all means, but no one has an automatic right to my time or my emotional reassurance, even if I’ve provided it before. I’m a nice person: I like to talk to people and be reassuring and positive, but I am not a bottomless well of understanding and reassurance. I’m someone who needs time to process my own feelings and replenish my own stock of positivity, particularly when I’m upset about something. We are all entitled to make ourselves available to anyone or no one as we see fit.
So, anyone who feels like they’re entitled to my time or yours, and who gets petty or upset when they don’t get it, is not someone I or you need in our lives anyway. Respect yourself and your emotions and your time, and forget about anyone who can’t accept that.
Reasons it’s okay for someone to abuse you:
- None. Literally none.
It doesn’t matter if you were in trouble, or they were having a bad day. It doesn’t matter if you’ve made mistakes in the past or feel you deserve it.
There is no justification for someone abusing you. You deserved better. And it was wrong.
Bisexual positivity blogs have big problems about throwing polyamorous people under the bus. We are both blamed for creating stereotypes about bisexual people being nonmonogamous and for oppressing them by wanting to have threesomes with them. To set things straight: we did not produce the stereotypes, monogamous heterosexuals who could not fathom bisexuality did and polyamorous people are not the cause of fetishizing bisexuality, it is monogamous heterosexuals treating bisexual and pansexual people like human sex toys who did. We are not the enemies of the bisexual community and they need to stop throwing us under the bus.
This is so important, folks. We need to always make sure the blame is placed squarely at the feet of heteronormative society, rather than throwing others under the bus.
We can be upset about the stereotypes without implying that it’s dirty or wrong to fulfill stereotypes. The problem is always with people who assume things about you due to stereotypes and ignore you as an individual, not with the stereotyped thing itself.
So do polyamory, have threesomes, be promiscuous if that floats your boat. Because really, no amount of “respectability” will make straight people stop hating us. WE don’t have to prove that we’re good bis and we’re just like them - THEY have to learn to respect our differences and treat us like human beings even if we’re not like them. Liberation, not assimilation, and no leaving anyone behind.
